The Next Chapter...

Well I shall be starting Radiation therapy tomorrow. For the first few days I will need to go during my lunch break at work which will be a hassle but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. I will be doing radiation for 15 days straight, finishing right before my trip to California. Word is that towards the end is when the side effects kick in, so I will be attending my cousins wedding with burnt skin, sore throat and I will be lethargic, so yay. BUT at least its not chemo!!! I guess this is the next chapter and hopefully the final Cancer related chapter. I had a two month vacation from all the cancer drama and treatments but now I am just ready to be done! Hopefully this gets rid of the remaining "cancer" in my chest. I am hoping that by the new year I can start fresh and healthy and put all of this behind me. I am ready to be the healthy, athletic fit Jessica that I was almost two years ago. My goal is to be soccer ready by the new year but who knows how that will go. I was going to the gym but since my car was broken into a few days ago, in the gym parking lot, I don't want to go back. I feel like I kind of have PTSD with getting robbed at the gym.

What are the odds that my car would get broken into again at the gym but who would of guessed I would of gotten robbed in the first place? I just don't feel safe at the gym. I actually don't feel that safe in general now. I keep checking my windows to see if they are all there. When I am driving I panic and look back thinking someone is gonna knock my window out. Its weird. Now I have one non tinted window and it also freaks me out because its so bright I feel like its still broken. It makes me sad that someone would rob me. I was wearing my Fight Like a Crazy Cat Lady shirt to the gym that day. I have a feeling the robbers were watching me the whole time which means they saw my shirt and short hair. BUT hooligans and criminals don't give a fuck about anything so of course when they see a girl that just beat cancer they aren't gonna say "oh she was sick lets feel bad for her and not rob her because she has been through enough in her life." HAHA. But still it pisses me off there are people like that in the world that just don't give a fuck and their career is robbing people of their hard earned money. Oh and the cops didn't care. "File a police report online when you get time kay thanks bye," is what I was told when I called the police. Oh and the gym manger said "This happens once a week, sorry." What. The. Fuck. I hate this world.

All of these events just made me super depressed. It just seems there is nothing worth living for these days. The world is a horrible place filled with mostly horrible people.The last 12 months have been the worst, first I tore my ACL and had knee surgery, then got laid off, then got diagnosed with cancer, then got robbed. And that's just the big stuff. My cats need me, that is the only thing that gets me through my days which seems a little depressing. 2015 better bring merry tidings and some silver linings. Its so hard to stay positive and happy and look on the bright side of things when everything just seems so dark all the time. Uhg.

All of these life changing events have also made me realize that I really do want a new career. I need a job that better fits me and my needs. I want to enjoy life, not spend most of my time stressing out and working all hours of the day. I deserve a job with a set schedule. I deserve a job that makes me happy. I deserve to be happy at some point!!!! Everyone deserves to be happy. For a while I have felt indebted to my job for taking care of me while I was going through treatment but why? Its just a job a job and I worked with them for 5 years so they better take care of me when I am in need. I have also felt that I am stuck in my job due to my health. I need health insurance at all times now and starting a new career could put a lapse in coverage. Employers don't hire sick people. Don't tell me "They can't discriminate because of that!" They can't but that doesn't mean they wont. This world is horrible and if they found out I had cancer they would rather hire someone who is healthy and reliable and they would just tell me they found someone more "qualified." That is the world we live in. But I am smart and a great worker so anybody would be lucky to have me. Fingers crossed that I can find something that makes me happy.

Other than all that shit life is great. That was sarcasm. This shits tough. Life is tough. But I didn't beat cancer to just give up on life. I will keep trucking along and hope for the best.