Side Effects...

I am going to take this time to describe what chemo has done to my body and how I feel most of the time these days. 

On a chemo day first things first is they access my port to draw some blood. So they stab me in the chest which is semi painful even with a numbing shot. They draw some blood and then flush my port with saline. Gross. I taste it and I want to vomit. I then have to wait about an hour for my blood tests to come back and say that I am healthy enough to get chemo. I never am healthy enough. My blood counts are extremely low everyday but my doctor says lets push forward anyways, so they do (because I am awesome.) 

Before chemo I get a cocktail of premeds to make chemo easier. The premeds are what make me sick. I get a nice dose of Benadryl that makes my eyes super heavy. Next is a dose of Zofran which is like an anxiety/anti-nausea med but I have a reaction to it in my throat. My throat gets really tight and feels like I have something stuck in it and it makes me what to vomit. That lasts about 20 minutes or so. Then I get a steroid, which, if they push it too fast will make my private areas burn. And most of the time.... they burn. EEK.

After all the premeds I am just a blob in a chair. I don't want to talk. I can't move my hands. I am a hot mess. Now it is time for the chemo. The chemo has no real effect on me while I am getting it. My first chemo "The Red Devil" makes my pee red for a few hours but no biggy. So after all my chemos I am good to go home. 

When I get home I eat everything in sight because it makes my throat feel better. Once I am twice my size I pass out for a few hours. Tuesday I wake up and feel pretty normal. Then Wednesday I wake up sick so I spend the day in bed or on the couch. I am nauseous and tired and my body is restless. I want to move around but my body just cant get comfortable. Thursday I wake up and feel almost normal. At this point all the bearable side effects kick in. My gums swell up and sometimes bleed. Which makes eating hurt but I love food so I just eat anyways. My body aches and hurts. A pat on the back and I will wince in pain. My scalp hurts and hair still falls out. How I am not shiny bald I don't know. I lose hair everyday. My fingers hurt. I am at the point I can barely button my pants without help or wanting to cry from pain. My skin is super dry and skin falls off the tips of my fingers. My finger nails are starting to look like zombie finger nails. My pinky toenail fell off yesterday. My pee smells like chemo everyday. The skin all over my body is blotchy and discolored. The veins around my port on my chest are very visible and pronounced making me look like some sort of super villain. I am very lethargic these days. I can barely go up stairs without heavy breathing. I have lost all my muscle and stamina. I have gained weight. My taste buds are messed up. Things taste weird. My throat hurts a lot. My nose constantly runs because I have no nose hairs. I have no hair anywhere on my body except my head, kinda. The no hair things is kinda nice, I don't know when the last time I shaved was. 

With all this though, I am still handling this very well. I don't vomit. I don't have bowel issues. I am still able to go out and about. I am not bed ridden. I am just glad I only have two more because I am definitely starting to notice the toll that is being taken on my body. I hope I can make a comeback after all of this. I will be hitting the gym hard once I am better. I am really looking forward to having nose hairs again so I don't have to walk around with a nose tampon sticking out of my nose. 

I just want to say that the next time you complain about having a cold or maybe even the flu I would stop and appreciate that you don't have to do chemo. Because it sucks and takes your life away. I will never complain about having a cold again. I will never complain about a lot of things ever again. I have found strength I didn't know I had and I appreciate everything I have learned. I am really grateful for all the new friends I have made throughout this process. This has been a life changing experience.