A Blog A Day Keeps The Cancer Away.... NOT

I wish a blog a day kept the cancer away, I would of started writing a blog the moment I was born. Today I kind of had an epiphany. First it started with googling what Lady Bugs mean because they are all over this house. And for a few years Lady Bugs have been mine and my moms "thing." Like we were gonna get matching lady bug tattoos. (Still are.) Anyways they mean good luck. And a lot of people said they mean to just let go of worry and let what will be, be. Which is good. But a lot of people said that they noticed lady bugs when someone had passed away and it comforted them. So I took that as I am going to die. But then I decided to take it as let go and let what will be, be. A friend commented on my blog post and stated that death is terrifying but they take comfort in knowing that the life they did live was enjoyed and that they left an impression on the people around them. Which makes sense, that started my epiphany. Let me take this moment to say thank you to all the friends who comfort me in my low times and bring me back up. But anyways, why should I limit what I want to do with my life just because I MAY die. My future is not promised but it has not been taken from me yet either. So, on days that I am well, I am going to do what I want. And live life as normal as possible. If I do expire then so be it. I know I have touched many lives in my 25 years on this earth and I know that means something. I am still not comfortable with the thought of death but what can ya do? Its bound to happen. For all I know this is my second life. My second chance to enjoy the little things. One day at a time. 

Also I wrote a poem late last night. 
For me, Its about cancer. For you, Its about anything you want. 

At night as I lie awake
Many thoughts in my head
Dark, dreary, and opaque
Like things that go unsaid

I wonder what I meant to you
All the wounds that we've shared
Emotions always right on cue
As if you even cared

Is this all just a dream
A fantasy a tale of fiction
It's a nightmarish scream
It's just a bunch of friction

If we were to not be close
I think I could survive
Your life would be morose
But I, I would be alive

Why must you aways bring despair
A cloud of sadness
The unfucking fair
It's all crazy madness

I do not fear you
You will not win
I shall stage a coup
That my friend will be el fin.

-Jessica Kraft