28 days...

I'm CURED!! April Fools! Not yet cured but hoping for good news on April 28th. I will have a pet scan scheduled here in the next 3 weeks and on the 28th my doctor will have the results and will let me know if I am almost done or have a much longer battle ahead of me. I hope I am almost done. I hope the poison I have put in my body these last three months has done some good. I feel like it is working but I don't want to jump the gun and jinx anything. I guess time will tell. The anxiety for that day is going to kill me this month. I am pretty much waiting to be told if I will live or die. I just can't wait for that day. I want to vomit just thinking about the results. 

I also want to mention that I cannot wait to get my own place after all this is done. I feel like I am 20 again waiting to move out of my moms house for the first time. I have all my stuff and all my furniture just sitting collecting dust. I can't wait to decorate my place and invite friends over for dinner. I am mostly excited to walk around naked again. What is funny is that since my mother has been staying with me for the past three months I think I have forgotten how to take care of myself. She does it all from the cleaning to the cooking to turning on my heating blanket. At least at this time I am still capable of wiping my own butt. But that could change depending on what these Pet Scan results are. 

I will just go over what it means for me if my Pet Scan comes back bad.  If I still have a lot of cancer in my body that means the chemo is not working and I will need a harsher chemo. From what my doctor has told me the harsher chemo includes 6 drugs instead of just 4. It will shorten my overall life. It will make me infertile for sure. I will be sicker and weaker and of course my odds of getting another cancer increases. On top of all that I will need radiation to my chest as well which as I have discussed before increases my chances of getting breast cancer and/or heart problems. I really don't know if I could handle all that. I guess we will find out in 28 days. 

I just want to get my normal life back. I know it will never ever be "normal" again but more normal than what I have had to deal with these past few months. I want to go to Vegas with my best gal pals since I have never had a true young woman adventure in Vegas. I hope that day can happen because we are all getting our hopes up. They seem so positive that I have this thing beat. I just don't want to get too excited just to be crushed if I get bad news. Someone said to expect the worst but hope for the best. I'll just live one day at a time and roll with the punches I guess. Well till next time kiddos.